Saturday, August 15, 2015

Drinking Hellfire: A Simple Guide to Getting Drunk and Hallucinating

Drinking Hellfire: A Simple Guide to Getting Drunk and Hallucinating


A friend of mine asked me the other day for a good cocktail recipe that has absinthe in it. The first thought that came to my mind was, “How am I going to make this good? Absinthe is disgusting.” 

For those of you don’t know, absinthe is green colored liquor with usually a crazy high alcohol content. It sometimes contains wormwood and it said to make you hallucinate. Overall, absinthe tastes like hellfire. Here’s Wikipedia’s description of it:

“Absinthe makes you crazy and criminal, provokes epilepsy and tuberculosis, and has killed thousands of French people. It makes a ferocious beast of man, a martyr of woman, and a degenerate of the infant, it disorganizes and ruins the family and menaces the future of the country.”

NOTE: The Google image results for “hellfire” are fucking TERRIFYING.

Quick story, the first time I ever had it was in college. I took a shot not knowing what I was getting into. It was disgusting. I started jamming the first thing I could find in my mouth (that’s what she said) to chase it, which happened to be Frosted Mini Wheats. 

So how was I going to create a delicious cocktail with this disgusting liquor? Easy. I’m awesome. 

Are you ready for the best absinthe cocktail ever created, but still pretty disgusting? I thought not…

Mix 1 ounce of the following in a shaker with ice:

  • Absinthe
  • Vanilla vodka
  • Triple sec

Shake the absolute shit out of it. We need to do this not only because it’s fun, but to chill the liquor really well. The colder the liquor, the less it will burn and more mild the taste.

Fill a glass with ice cubes (I’m not kidding about making this fucker cold). Then pour just the liquid from the shaker.

Then add orange juice to taste. You can start with a splash and go up to 2 or 3 ounces. The citrus in the juice helps to cut the taste of the hellfire liquor, er, I mean absinthe.

Drink liberally and at your own risk. Oh, and if you hallucinate from drinking absinthe let me know what you see and if it was awesome.

Enjoy! (sort of)


P.S., If you are feeling ballsy and want to try this drink out, you can get all of the ingredients on Drizly. They deliver booze to your house in an hour. It's the only way I shop for my liquid hellfire anymore.