There are loads of different choices for vodka out there- it's the most heavily consumed liquor in the US. So how do you choose which to order? Hopefully by now, you have given up the rail brands and this question has come into your mind once or twice.
So lets get into it!
The Best Deal
I love a good deal, so it’s no surprise that I would pick to write about the vodka that fits into this category first. And the winner is… Stolichnaya! Huh? It’s Stoli for short- I had no idea what Stolichnaya was the first time I heard it until someone told me that it’s the same thing as Stoli. This is very high quality vodka that is great for mixed drinks and good enough to drink on the rocks. This is the vodka I drink, and if you ask most bartenders, they will say the same thing, unless they don’t know a whole lot about liquor. The reason for this is simple- it’s not that expensive but great quality.
The Overall Best
Have you ever tried Chopin vodka? Chopin is an amazing vodka. I won’t say that it’s the best ever because I haven’t tried every vodka in the world, but for the purposes of this article, I’d say that it’s the overall best. It’s smooth, has almost no taste and barely burns. Chopin is Polish and one of the few vodkas actually still made from potatoes- in fact seven potatoes are used for each bottle. I know, I know, we’re guzzling this stuff, getting wasted then throwing it up later while people are starving all over the world… BUT IT’S SO DAMN GOOD! If you’re going to drink a vodka martini or vodka on the rocks, I’d highly recommend using Chopin at least once. However, I discourage you from mixing it with other flavors (like juice) because it’s pretty much a waste of money, good vodka and potatoes. Think of it this way- every time you mix Chopin with something flavored, a starving child in the former Soviet Union cries.
The Overall Best That’s Easy to Find
Chopin is the overall best, but hard to find in a lot of bars and a shade more expensive than a lot of other really good vodkas. So what is the best if you either can’t find Chopin or feel like saving $1.75 per drink? The overall best vodka that’s easy to find is Belvedere. Belvy is a great vodka that does awesome in lots of vodka contests. It’s from Poland and distilled 4 times in an especially slow distillation process. Additionally, the water added to the vodka goes through an 11 step water purification process. In other words, it’s delish- try it out sometime.
There are actually 2 vodkas out there that are highly overrated. In fact, as you were reading through the couple of best vodkas above, you may have been thinking, “what about ____?” That’s probably because ____ is one of the overrated vodkas out there. So what are they already? The number one overrated vodkas is… DRUMROLL!!! Grey Goose. Right now you may be thinking something along the lines of, “what, no, I love Goose, it’s such a good vodka!” or “it has to be good, it’s expensive and I’ve paid a lot for it!” or “everyone else thinks it’s good, you’re wrong David!” These are normal things to think after finding out that you have been deceived into thinking a mediocre vodka is very good and you have been grossly overpaying for it all this time. Grey Goose is distilled only 3 times (like many so-so quality vodkas) and does poorly in many vodka competitions. It is an overall mediocre product. However, they are excellent marketers, put it in a pretty bottle and managed to fool lots of people that their vodka is the Shizzle. Sorry folks, it’s not, it’s more like just plain old shizzle, not THE shizzle. If you are still pissed or don’t believe me, I’m not alone- read this forum.
There are two overrated vodkas- the second is Absolut. In most people’s minds, Absolut is a pretty good vodka. However, the actual quality of the product is very poor- about a half shade better than the rail crap. I know, it’s got a pretty bottle, it’s well known, has lots of cool flavors and all of those sweet ads in magazines and on bus stops- “Absolut [insert artsy word with clever matching picture here].” You’ve again been victimized by awesome marketing. Sorry. Next time you see one of those ads, think, “Absolut Rail” with a picture of dirt, sand and fingernails floating around in the bottle instead- gross. Now you may be wondering amongst your shock and disgust, “what do I drink instead of Absolut?” Stoli is a great replacement, and they cost about the same. Boom, done.
Rightfully Wins All the Awards but Isn't Too Common
Tito's is an American vodka from San Antonio called. It's distilled a whopping 6 times (twice as many times as Grey Goose) and crushes most of the other vodkas that I mentioned above ratings and competition wise. It also uses a different and more effective distillation process than common mass produced vodkas, making each distillation that much more effective. It is actually affordable too- a little over $30 for 1.75L. Yee-haa! The downside is that it’s not that common and quite hard to find in a bar. If you do find some, tell me where or if you have a bottle, invite me over and we can get crunk off of some of that Tito Handmade- I will give you special props on the blog if you do.
So there are a couple of bottom of the barrel vodkas too. One, as I already mentioned is Absolut. Sorry to all of you Absolut fans out there, but at least it’s the best of the crappy vodkas. Also, there are the no-name rail brands. I already talked about why to avoid them here.
Some rail brands include Vladimir and Aristocrat. Also, stay away from the other “house” brands or ones in plastic bottles. And the CVS brand vodka too. OK, that’s enough about the worst vodkas… gross.
These are the medium grade vodkas, where the product and price are the middle of the road. The best example I can think of, and you may not agree, is Smirnoff vodka- the product is so-so and the price is moderate. As I talked about earlier, Grey Goose is another medium quality vodka that is priced and marketed as premium quality. Sorry Goose fans, but hey, at least it’s got the prettiest bottle out of the so-so brands. Anyway, I have a hard time getting excited and writing a lot about mediocrity. In closing, please order or buy these if you are feeling cheap (like I often do) instead of the rail brands.
Hip-Hop’s Favorite Vodkas
There are two vodkas that seem to be the preference of rappers, which in turn, seem to have made these vodkas popular among those who seek to emulate the hip-hop personae or are particularly immersed in hip-hop culture. Said differently, these are popular vodkas for getting your “thug life on.”
One rapper preferred vodka is Ciroc- a French vodka made from grapes (not a lot of vodkas are) that is distilled 5 times. It’s officially endorsed by Sean “Puffy” Combs, AKA P. Diddy- a famous rapper and hip-hop tycoon. Promo pictures of Puffy and Ciroc like the one here are everywhere. He even gets paid thousands of dollars to go to big clubs, take pictures with bottles of Ciroc and drink it for a few hours that night. This is also why people mean Ciroc when they order a “P. Diddy and cranberry.” There are a million adjectives flying through my head right now to describe ordering the drink this way- please pick your own.
The other most rapper preferred vodka is Grey Goose. If I hear one more rapper rhyme “Goose” with “loose,” I’m going to deduce that it’s time to kick their caboose until they vamoose without an excuse- fo realz. I love rap music and hear these words rhymed together way too often. So, if you are looking to maintain your hip-hop personae, take it to the next level or fit in with rappers, make sure that you drink these vodkas- just don't lose your chain or dew rag if you get too crunk.
This has been my most opinion-based blog posting yet. When people read opinions that do not match their own, they get pissed off or annoyed. I’m sure there are angry folk now with differing opinions about vodka and you think your opinion is the right one. That’s fine and if yours is different- cool, lets go drinking and we can share some knowledge!
P.S. Here are more Absolut ads that I thought were cool. You can look at a bunch more here.