Monday, May 18, 2015

Review of Balls. Balls Vodka That Is.

Review of Balls. Balls Vodka That Is.


As you've seen a few times in my blog, I review products. Companies read my blog, they send me some free stuff, I review it here, you read the review and become a more informed consumer, and the product gets its name out. Everybody wins. I would draw a process flow diagram but I'm not going to nerd out too hard on you all here. Either way, capitalism kicks ass.

Before I dive too much deeper into this post, I have to warn you that it is:
1) Not my most clean post
2) Somewhat racy
3) Ridiculously awesome (duh)

So this is my full disclaimer and warning and if any of that may bother you or you have sensitive ears, please click here. But if you can handle it, you're going to thoroughly enjoy this article.

Not too long ago, a vodka called Balls Vodka sent me some of their product.


I really like this vodka. Its name has sexual connotations, the brand is kind of racy n general and you can make up drinks with dope names. I love all that shit.

Taste Test

Here's how our taste test went down. I was pre-gaming with a friend and we decided to get out my balls. Balls Vodka that is. Long story short I fed it to him and he got laid that night. Do I guarantee that it enhances mojo and you will also get laid by drinking Balls Vodka? Yes. Just kidding. I have no clue, but it couldn't hurt.

In the package the company sent me, they included a little sheet with recipes for cocktails that one can make using Balls Vodka. So naturally, I had to come up with some of my own recipes and take it to the next level. Here is some of what I came up with.

Drink #1: Blue Balls

A little while ago I came up with a cocktail recipe called a Smurf. I decided to make a recipe similar to the Smurf, but this time with balls. Balls Vodka that is. It’s called Blue Balls. Here are the ingredients:
-1 ½ ounces Balls Vodka
-¾ ounces Hypnotic
-¾ ounces Peach Schnapps.

Yup, it will fuck you up. Good times.

Drink #2: Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls

The name of this drink is an ode to the late Isaac Hayes, also the voice of Chef on South Park. The drink is named after one of his songs. If you haven’t watched it, please do. Classic. Here’s the recipe:
-1 ½ ounces Balls Vodka
-1 ounce of creme de cacao
-1 ounce salted caramel coffee creamer
-Salt the rim and enjoy

Drink #3: Cock ‘n Balls

This drink is not for the faint of heart. It’s called Cock ‘n Balls. Lets just get to the recipe on this one:
-1 ounce Fighting Cock bourbon
-1 ounce Balls Vodka
-Fill the rest of the glass up with lots of ice, orange juice, and grapefruit juice
-Drink, enjoy and get really drunk

Last Balls Vodka has good promotional videos and the girl in it is pretty cute. Winning all around.

David

Monday, May 4, 2015

The Kentucky Derby, Mint Juleps, and Good Times‏


The Kentucky Derby, Mint Juleps, and Good Times‏

As most of you probably know, I'm usually pretty late on posting according to the season or holiday. This post is no exception. So now that the Kentucky Derby is over, we're going to talk about mint
juleps. It’s going to be awesome.

As it turns out, I love mint juleps. It’s like southern sweet tea, which I also love, but with bourbon instead of tea. And I love bourbon.

So how do you make this delicious mint julep drink? I'm so glad you ask…

The first thing to keep in mind, and I mention this in my article post about a year ago on mojitos, that is really important to get the sugar to dissolve. Otherwise it just takes like minty bourbon and there is a bunch of sugar sitting in the bottom of your glass. OK, enough theory, lets go!


Step 1

In your cup, put at least 3 tablespoons of sugar. It's supposed to be a sweet drink and you also need sugar to counteract the minty-ness. You don't want your mint julep to taste like toothpaste-flavored bourbon. Then put between 8 and 10 leaves of mint and about a quarter ounce of water or soda water.


Step 2

Muddle the crap out of it.


Step 3

Pour in two and a half ounces of bourbon. Yep, two and a half ounces. This drink will get you f*cked up Kentucky style.


Step 4

Roll or shake your sugar mint and bourbon mix. Do this until you can't see the sugar anymore.


Step 5

Add lots of ice, because remember, it's hot as crap in the south. It is the important that you add the ice last because the sugar won't dissolve well if the liquid is cold.


Step 6

Garnish the sh*t out of it with a big thing of mint. Not only is southern stuff sweet, it's also pretty.

Step 7

Enjoy the crap out of it. If you don't execute this step, you done messed up. Bless your heart.

David

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Awesome Ice Cubes and Energy Drinks

Awesome Ice Cubes and Energy Drinks

So as you all know, I love doing product reviews. Why you ask? Because I get free stuff to do it, so in essence, I get to do this:



Yes, in case you were wondering, I do love Wayne's World. 

In this post I'm going to review not one, but two, TWO products at once.  And if you combine them, you can get really cold energy drinks.  Yes… get excited.

Product #1

Behind door number one (Pic of bob barker doors), we have Liquid Ice energy drinks. First off, I want to preface that I LOVE ENERGY DRINKS.  I also love coffee, guarana, and anything else that gives me all this energy and replaces sleep.  Game on!

So the nice folks at Liquid Ice sent me 2 of their dranks (red drank and blue drank) and some swag like a hat and tee shit and junk.  So what did I do with a few of my friends? Yes… we drank the shi*t out of them.  Then what happened you may ask? We went out for the night and ran around. 

So were they good? Hell yeah they were. Well… I liked them more than one of my friends who said the drinks reminded him of off brand soda, but in energy drink form.  I highly recommend drinking them with vodka, so instead of a Red Bull vodka, Liquid Ice vodka. And you can also get both red and blue colors and mix them to get purple drank.  I'm not sure if Liquid Ice has other colors beyond blue and red, but if they do, then the color combos are endless. 

Product #2

What is the next amazing product you ask?  Ice ball makers by Arctic Chill.  These little rubber things make round ice that keep your drink colder longer.  How you ask? I have no clue, but that’s what the company said it does.

These things were pretty cool, but only fit in really fat glasses.  They actually wouldn’t fit into a pint glass.    


So what did I do with my giant ice ball you ask?  Drumroll…. Drank it with tequila.  And it was awesome. My tequila was cold but I didn’t follow the exact scientific method or anything with another glass with normal ice cubes and a thermometer in both. We’ll just assume that the giant ice ball kept my drink super cold. 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

How to Kill it at Mojitos

How to Kill it at Mojitos


OOOKAY! As usual, I'm a little late on these kinds of things, but welcome to summer everyone!

Now that it’s hot as f*ck out, it’s time for ice cold delicious summer drinks.  I bartended a party a few weeks ago where I must have made 100 mojitos, which is an excellent drink for sitting outside and sipping on a  warm summer day.  And it inspired me to write this post.

If you know me, I insist on my cocktails being made awesome, and mojitos are easy to eff up because they have so many ingredients and steps.  Not quite the same
ballgame as cracking a Bud Light or pouring a gin and tonic bro. 

Lets dive in, shall we?


Have you ever had a mojito where the sugar is all way on the bottom? Either just kind of sitting there or formed into a crusted at the bottom of your glass?  That mojito wasn’t done awesome, it was done shitty.  In this post I'm going to cover a few little know details on how avoid this mistake and have your mojito be awesome.  Also, everything that I say in this post also goes for caipirinhas. 

You can go to any one of a million website to find a mojito recipe so I'm not going to cover that here. I'm going to talk the good stuff that you won’t get anywhere else.

Here’s the main thing:


The order in which you add the ingredients as well as when you muddle makes all of the difference.  Here is the order (I'm not going to include the qualities here because the rest of the internet is plastered with that stuff and everyone likes their mojito a little different):
 
Step 1: add the limes
Step 2: add the mint
Step 4: add the sugar

Adding the sugar last is the key detail.  Why, you ask?  Adding the sugar last will give the sugar the best chance to dissolve into the rum when you add it, and then more when you muddle as the next step.  If you add it first, it can get underneath the other ingredients and will not have as good of a chance to dissolve. 

As a bonus to our sugar dilemma, here is the reason to add the limes then mint.  If the mint goes in first, it just gets pressed against the bottom when you muddle.  If it is on top of the limes, it gets mushed up better and more of its flavor is released.  Delicious and refreshing.

Next step: muddle

By this time, the sugar should be pretty well dissolved.  But we’re not done yet! Next pour everything into the glass in which you will serve the drink.  This will help all of the ingredients, including the sugar, mix around some more. 

Now you can add ice and follow the remainder of your mojito recipe. A lot of times people add the ice too soon. This will chill the rum (a good thing) before the sugar has had sufficient opportunity to dissolve (a bad thing).  The colder the liquid, the less the sugar will dissolve.  Sugar dissolves best in warmer liquids, so don’t eff that up by adding ice too soon.


Boom.  How to have delicious cold mojitos on a hot summer day. 

Friday, November 29, 2013

Fall's New Best Drink - Pumpkin Latte Martini

Pumpkin Latte Martini

As usual, I'm a little alter in posting a seasonal article, so please just pretend that I posted it a few weeks ago when I actually wrote it.  Ready…. GO!

Fall is here… cool weather is upon us, the leaves are changing color and Thanksgiving (fuck YES) is right around the corner.  It also means that it’s that time of year for one of my favorite flavors: pumpkin.  I had a few influences for this drink.  Mostly pumpkin coffee that I crush by the gallon.  I'm just making a booze version of it here.

Since I love pumpkin so much, I'm taking the Pumpkin Martini recipe that I made last year to the next level.  Even if you’re not a pumpkin flavor lover, this martini is delicious.  I’d ask if you’re ready, but I know you are…


I know, it actually exists...
-1 and 1/4 ounces Pinnacle Pumpkin Pie Vodka
-1 and 1/4 ounces Van Gogh Double Espresso Vodka (can be replaced with real espresso, but this was will get you less drunk. By a lot.
-A splash of half and half pumpkin coffee creamer
Depending on how coffee-y you like it, put more of the espresso vodka and less pumpkin vodka.  It also turns out awesome. 

Enjoy!