Make Your Own FDA Banned Four Loko

“I know Jesus turned water into wine / But he woulda turned it to Four Loko at a party of mine.”-Ricosuave

It’s been a long time since I put up a new blog post. And I know what you’ve been thinking: “I sure am thirsty for something with a dangerous amount of both alcohol and caffeine” 

That’s great, because I’ve got just the thing for ya. You're welcome. 

Back to the Old School

Since it’s been a while since I posted last, were going to throw it back to the old school. Well… sort of old school. We’re going to recreate an ole classic that you can’t buy anymore. You guessed it: the mafuckin’ Four Loko! 

That’s right… I created a recipe that’ll give you the same getting wasted and partying all night superpowers as the original, now banned, Four Loko. You’ll be crushing late night drunk food and sleeping with strangers in no time. 

Before we start, let’s be clear. This isn’t the recipe for the new crappy version that’s safe to drink. You can buy that in the store. I'm talking about the original. The one the FDA banned because it was too awesome. Well, it was actually blamed for a bunch of college kids getting alcohol poisoning. They just couldn't handle all that awesome. 

I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes because this magical drink wasn’t around when I was in college. It’s a short list: Four Loko, sweet tea vodka and Tindr. 

Backstory

Before we get to the recipe, an abbreviated backstory about why it was banned and you can’t buy it anymore. 

In essence, the original Four Loko was a 23.5oz can of 12% alcohol for $2-$4. If you break it down, that's the same as 5-6 beers or 7 shots of vodka. All in one tasty carbonated can - a great recipe for a hangover. 

College kids : Four Loko :: Fat kids : Cake.

On top of that, Four Lokos had 156mg of added caffeine. This is equal to about 2 Red Bulls. They also had 2 other stimulants, guarana and taurine. So all in all, some people estimated that a can of Four Loko had up to 500mg of caffeine, also equal to about 5 cups of coffee.

I know what you’re thinking… You're also pissed they didn't have this when you were in college. Tell me about it... 

The Dangerous Part

Caffeine delays the effects of alcohol. In other words, it takes way longer to feel drunk if you’re also drinking caffeine. So college kids would drink a Four Loko and think, “WTF, bro. I don't feel anything, dawg. I better take like 10 shots now cuz it’s #krunktime.” And then then they did.

#hospitalized

The Recipe

Here’s a recipe to recreate the orange creamsicle Four Loko flavor. I don't know if this was actually a Four Loko flavor, but nobody ever drank it because they just had to have watermelon flavored alcohol that night. 

-3oz Pinnacle Cake vodka. You can use the Whipped flavor if you want instead.

-1oz Pinnacle Orange vodka
-1.5oz Bacardi 151 (I heard rumors that this was discontinued but you can still find it places. If you can’t, then any 70%-80% liquor that doesn’t have its own strong flavoring will do)
-1 orange flavor 5-Hour Energy
-16oz cold Monster Energy Rehab Orangeade

Feel free to serve this over ice if you want, but I didn't put any in the recipe on purpose. You want it to be cold, so it’s also a good idea to put the vodkas and rum in the freezer for a few hours before making. 

There you have it! Go drink, get hyper and make bad decisions! Just don’t end up in the ER. 

Disclaimer / Warning / How to Not Go to the Hospital

-Drink this drink at your own risk 

-Do not drink on an empty stomach 

-Do not drink/ eat/ snort/ whatever any other stimulants after drinking this

-Allow 2-3 hours before you even think about consuming any other alcohol 

-Do not get alcohol poisoning. That’s part of the instructions. 

Cheers, 

David 

You can also buy all the ingredients to make this drink on Drizly and get it delivered to your door. In an hour. And get $5 off. Yes please.