Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Whiskey Stones

Whiskey Stones

Picture this. You are at a fancy soiree. Someone breaks out an 18 year scotch. Your fellow party goers are impressed and you get excited.  You love scotch.  That person starts pouring.  You’re lucky enough to get a glass for yourself.  You take a sip and it’s warm. The fancy drink burns.  It’s hard to enjoy so you start to feel guilty. You think you should love it but you don’t.  

You cave and turn to the person next to you who also got some, “hey, do you know where I can get some ice?” while making a subtle gesture towards your glass.

They quickly glance at you and then your glass. You hear a forced “dunno”. You see a flicker of judgment and slight disgust in their face.  You understand.  You’re trying to hide your embarrassment.  You know that you shouldn’t have done it.  You tried to put ice in nice liquor. 

For those of you that have had a similar experience, you know that it is, in technical bartender terms, bullshit.  It sucks when you have great liquor in your cup but it’s warm- like heated up warm.  Or tastes too boozy.  Or just plain burns.  So you suck it up and drink it anyway, pretending to enjoy it.  Or you put ice in the glass and everyone judges you.  

Either one blows.  It happens to the best of us.  It’s happened to me.  Has it ever happened to you?  Be proud.

Thanks to modern science and industrialization, I have found an answer.  And I am sure that I am late to the party in hearing about this miraculous invention.  They are whiskey stones.  Have you ever used these?  They rock, no pun intended. 

You can use them instead of ice.  They slightly chill your drink, taking away some of the burn, making it smoother and actually open up the flavor of your whiskey, bourbon or scotch.  They also make you a less likely target to be judged, maybe even admired for your ingenuity.

By slightly cooling your drink, it gets more delicious and easier to drink without watering down or “ruining” the liquor.  When you try to do this with ice, you are accused of being a “bitch”.  But no such accusation can be used if you use whiskey stones.  You are all of a sudden cutting edge. A connoisseur.  Trendy even. 
However, avoiding scorn and looking like the superhero of getting crunk off of fancy shit isn’t the only reason to abandon the ice and drop a couple of whiskey stones into your drink.  

It sucks when your drink is watery towards the end.  Whiskey stones actually make your drink taste better. As I mentioned above, they help to unlock your fancy whiskey's flavor.  That and you have to put up with less shit from others.  It’s win-win.

So, if you really want to make the high quality liquor fan in your family (or me) really happy during this holiday season, buy some whiskey stones for that person. A great place to buy these is a store in Dupont in DC called tabletop. Or on AmazonCheck it out.


Want your favorite whiskey to pour over those rocks delivered to your door? In an hour? AND get $5 off? Check out Drizly. It’s the only way I buy alcohol anymore.

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