Saturday, November 28, 2015

Why I Bartend

Why I Bartend

WARNING: I’m feeling especially poetic today by the way. I’m inserting this line after finishing this post. I barely used sh*t or f*ck. Well, until now.

OK, on with the real thing…

I was talking with a host a few weeks ago and the conversation went something like this:

Host: is bartending your full-time job?

Me: No, I do consulting during the day.

Host: Then why do you bartend?

Since then, I’ve noticed people express this same curiosity in different ways.

I realized this is something I almost never tell people

At any given party or event, there’s a thirsty partygoer who wanders up to the bar with a slight look of optimistic indecision. They utter a few magic words, “I don’t know, just give me whatever.” Music to my ears.

Then what happens?

My eyes roll to the back of my head (not literally, that would be creepy), my sixth sense kicks in and I somehow figure out what kind of drink they may like. I even start to glow a little. Sometimes all that fails and I need to ask them. Either/or.

I survey my ingredients, concoct something delicious and slide it across the bar. This, of course, is a no-fail phenomenon. So is my overwhelming modesty.

I stare as they take the first sip (it just occurred me to me as I wrote this line that staring a hole in the person from across the bar is probably pretty creepy. I've been doing this since 2009… Whatever, I'm still going to do it). Then something magical happens that I’ve only ever seen when someone tastes a drink for the first time. Their face goes from curious concentration to lit up with surprise and delight.

Being able to see this unique look that takes over a person’s face, and making someone instantly happy just by putting a few things in a cup is why I love bartending. This is what I’m thankful for. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do what I love.

Happy holidays.


Friday, November 20, 2015

A Seasonal Kick in the A$$

A Seasonal Kick in the A$$

Are you ever there and it's time to party… But you’re tired?

Do your friends ever tell you that you need to rally… But you're dragging?

Are you ever at venue #1 of who knows how many… And you feel a yawn coming on?

You're in the right place, because the Fall signature drink that I came up with this year has just the thing for you.

Yes, I do create a signature Fall cocktail every year. You can get with it Here. And Here.

After looking at all of my delicious pumpkin Fall drinks, you may be thinking one thing. And chances are you are right.


I'm just going to write this blog post, drink and eat everything pumpkin that I can find, put on a sweater, get in my comfortable black leggings, tell you everything that I love about Fall, and then literally cant even for about 300 hours. You have literally no clue how much I look like Han Solo right now. Literally.

Now that we’ve firmly established that I love the sh*t out of pumpkins, I also need to let you know that I love coffee. From or not from Starbucks. The joke's over though but I know you would think that.  Lets move on. 

Now, both of my passions culminate into oral ecstasy to form this Fall's orgasm for your mouth. In cocktail form.

Shall we?

The recipe you've been waiting for

-Fill shaker with lots of ice
---1.5 oz espresso
---1.5 oz pumpkin pie vodka
---3/4 oz vanilla vodka (lots of flavored vodkas will actually work here, like whipped or cake)
-Shake the living sh*t out of it
-Pour into a glass with more ice in it.
-Drink and enjoy. Then wake the f*uck up. If you don’t do this last part, you messed up and need to try again (read: suck less).

That’s it! Now throw a party and hire me to serve this drink there.

You can also buy all the ingredients to make this drink on Drizly and get it delivered to your door. In an hour. And get $5 off. Yes please.


PS: I had a ton of fun putting this post together.  Here's why

This too: