What Beer Should You Drink This Summer?

A good friend of mine is getting married this summer. And because I say so much smart shi*t here about drinking and booze and getting hammered here on this blog, he asked me for a little advice about what to have at his bar.

I was happy to let it rain wisdom. I mean… I’m a good friend and humble guy in general, so of course I would help out.

It turned out that I spent a lot of time putting my thoughts together, and my reply to him may help other people too.

He asked me about the beer and liquor selection. He either knows I hate wine or didn’t care about it himself. Or both. I’m hoping this post will be useful for you if you’re in 1 of 2 situations:

1) You’re throwing a party coming up and aren’t sure what to get for the bar
2) You’re feeling frisky and are looking for some ideas for stuff to drink this summer. Mostly beer I guess. This post could also save you from drinking some sh*tty beer.

I guess there’s a #3 here which is both #1 and #2, but whatever…

OK, here’s what he sent me, asking for my (again) almost god-like yet somehow very humble opinion:

This is a pretty standard shopping list for a private event with ~150 people with a modest yet well rounded bar. Here it is {AND IF YOU SEE SQUIGGLY BRACKETS AND TEXT IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS, THAT MEANS IT’S MY COMMENTARY POST SENDING TO HIM FOR YOU}:

"Hey dude, thanks for asking. Here are my thoughts:

Beer:
1st, Bloodline is a great choice. I can’t wait to drink a ton of it {I’LL BE AT THE WEDDING}. I would actually consider getting more of this one – it tends to be popular.

I’ve found that Sam Adams has gotten a lot worse in the recent years. I think there are way more better (and craftier options) for light summer beers. Kona Big Wave (we had at my wedding) is one of my favs in this category (I heart the sh*t out of Kona). There is also Dead Rise by Flying Dog (you either love or hate this one, If I remember right you hate it).

This list maybe useful for more ideas: https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/style/85/. {FLYING DOG IS A BREWERY OUT OF FREDERICK, MD. IT’S ALL OVER THE DC AREA WHERE I USED TO LIVE AND THEY MAKE GREAT BEER}

Have you had the 21st amendment watermelon beer? I was super disappointed by it, personally. I’d replace it with that pineapple beer you had at the beach that one time {IT WAS REALLY GOOD BUT I DIDN’T REMEMBER THE NAME. THERE CAN’T BE THAT MANY PINEAPPLE WHEAT BEERS OUT THERE IN CASE YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT} or if you can find it go with any Schlafly Hefeweizen. Schlafly beers are AMAZING – we wanted their beer at our wedding but they don't distribute in TX. Boooo. OK, last, I found this article that's pretty on point: https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2017/04/59-of-the-best-wheat-beershefeweizens-blind-tasted.html

{IF THERE WAS SOMETHING ON HIS ORIGINAL LIST BUT I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WAS JUST FINE}

Liquor:
You may need more vodka and less rum. I pour lots of vodka - more than anything else, and not that much rum. At all. I would ever hazard to say ditch Bacardi – very few people drink it in my experience these days. I mean… what do you use it for? Rum and Coke? Just use the Captain for that because if you're drinking rum and Coke you don't care that much anyway. Mojitos? Do you really want to get all those ingredients and then see if the bartender can actually make a good one? Long Island? I don't think I need to say anything about this one.

Another gin I recommend to people is Amsterdam. It’s cheap and good. If you want to see me drink gin on the rocks, go with Barr Hill. Mmmmm.

Buffalo Trace is the best value bourbon that I know of - great choice.

J Walker is overpriced. I’d go with Dewers. Nobody will care. But I also know that Indians {MY FRIEND IS INDIAN} LOVE J Walker Black sooo… yeah {IMPORTANT NOTE: HE DEF DIDN'T ARGUE WITH THIS}. I've found that people are a lot less prone to drink bourbon/whiskey cocktails in the summer than winter. People may still have bourbon or scotch on the rocks, but again, less so than in the winter.

Vermouth: It’s SWEET vermouth, right? Don't get dry. There is no difference between Dolin and the cheapest one on the shelf. Also, there is no need to get vermouth unless you’re also getting bitters (for a Manhattan) which I didn't see on the list. Make sure to also get bar cherries, oranges and sugar if you want to be able to serve an old fashioned. But don’t expect your bartender to know how to make a good one. I get very angry when bartenders suck at this drink, which is often {TEAR}.

Last, I have this shopping list on my website which may be useful: http://davidthebartender.blogspot.com/p/private-party-shopping-list.html

OK, that's it. It's warm out so go get drunk outside.

David

Peanut Butter JELLY DONUT Time!

VERY IMPORTANT: Before you read this post, make sure to watch this video ^^^^

OK, now that we’re done with that very important piece of business, we can start with the post. Whew.

So first off, this one’s been a long time coming (that’s what she said). I actually checked and I started writing this post in 2015. It’s 2018 now. I know… “Get it together, David… Get a job David…”

A little while ago (3 years actually), I bartended a company’s happy hour. Not uncommon, they grabbed a ton of random booze they had around and put it in the bar for me. 

This mixed with a pretty adventurous and non-discerning drinking crowd and I got to do one of my favorite things. Throw tons of crap together from a bunch of weird ingredients to make awesome sh*t. 

AKA MASSIVE opportunities for creativity. 

Before we get to the recipe, one quick story from this party that was no joke the most awesome moment of my entire bartending career. 

And this is saying a LOT because I have many. 

At this event, they had mini cupcakes. You know, the ones you can get at the grocery store. Well, it seemed like people were done eating them so I decided to make a shot with them. 

First, I asked if they were down to try something kind of crazy and different. They were like, “Hell yeah!” I mean, I don’t just make weird shots and give them to people without checking first. Usually at least. Here's an article on how to avoid this from happening. 

Plus they were kind of crunk at this point, so I was confident the idea would go over well. 

I grabbed a few of the vanilla mini cupcakes, some flavored vodka and juice, and threw it all in my shaker. I shook the crap out of it and served it to about a dozen people as a shot. I’d tell you the exact ingredients but I don’t remember. 3 years ago, bro…

The result?

A uniform look of both confusion and disgust on every single person’s face. Then half of them were like, “What was that?!” in a what-did-you-just-do-to-me-kind-of-way. 

It was amazing. 

Then I explained to them what it was, they thought it was pretty cool and then asked for more. 

OK, now to today’s recipe. 

The Jelly Doughnut

Like I said, I had a ton of stuff to work with at this party. When this happens, I usually take a few things and make them into cocktails or shots. Like a recipe on the spot. And it usually turns out pretty well. But this one recipe was special (believe it or not, even better than the cupcake shot)….

I tried it and it tasted just like a jelly doughnut. Magical. 

Step 1: Fill your cup with ice (all the way to the top homie, every time).

Step 2: Add 1oz of whipped vodka and 1oz of raspberry vodka. If you have a big cup or just like it strong, do 1.5oz of each.

Step 3: Fill the rest of the cup with equal parts ginger ale and pineapple juice. You can play around with this proportions to taste. 

Step 4: Stir because pineapple juice is thick and won’t mix well on its own. Don't shake or roll it because it will mess up the carbonation from the ginger ale. 

Step 5: [Optional]: Float 1/2oz raspberry vodka on top after stirring. Unlike an actual doughnut, this is so you get some fruit flavor in your first bite/sip. 

BOOM! There you have it. As a side note, you can probably use any fruit flavored vodka instead of raspberry. I’ve never tried it but I have had the mango doughnut from Voodoo Doughnuts and it’s amazing. Plus Pinnacle makes a mango vodka. 

God bless America and all of its doughnuts. 

Cheers!

David

Make Your Own FDA Banned Four Loko

“I know Jesus turned water into wine / But he woulda turned it to Four Loko at a party of mine.”-Ricosuave

It’s been a long time since I put up a new blog post. And I know what you’ve been thinking: “I sure am thirsty for something with a dangerous amount of both alcohol and caffeine” 

That’s great, because I’ve got just the thing for ya. You're welcome. 

Back to the Old School

Since it’s been a while since I posted last, were going to throw it back to the old school. Well… sort of old school. We’re going to recreate an ole classic that you can’t buy anymore. You guessed it: the mafuckin’ Four Loko! 

That’s right… I created a recipe that’ll give you the same getting wasted and partying all night superpowers as the original, now banned, Four Loko. You’ll be crushing late night drunk food and sleeping with strangers in no time. 

Before we start, let’s be clear. This isn’t the recipe for the new crappy version that’s safe to drink. You can buy that in the store. I'm talking about the original. The one the FDA banned because it was too awesome. Well, it was actually blamed for a bunch of college kids getting alcohol poisoning. They just couldn't handle all that awesome. 

I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes because this magical drink wasn’t around when I was in college. It’s a short list: Four Loko, sweet tea vodka and Tindr. 

Backstory

Before we get to the recipe, an abbreviated backstory about why it was banned and you can’t buy it anymore. 

In essence, the original Four Loko was a 23.5oz can of 12% alcohol for $2-$4. If you break it down, that's the same as 5-6 beers or 7 shots of vodka. All in one tasty carbonated can - a great recipe for a hangover. 

College kids : Four Loko :: Fat kids : Cake.

On top of that, Four Lokos had 156mg of added caffeine. This is equal to about 2 Red Bulls. They also had 2 other stimulants, guarana and taurine. So all in all, some people estimated that a can of Four Loko had up to 500mg of caffeine, also equal to about 5 cups of coffee.

I know what you’re thinking… You're also pissed they didn't have this when you were in college. Tell me about it... 

The Dangerous Part

Caffeine delays the effects of alcohol. In other words, it takes way longer to feel drunk if you’re also drinking caffeine. So college kids would drink a Four Loko and think, “WTF, bro. I don't feel anything, dawg. I better take like 10 shots now cuz it’s #krunktime.” And then then they did.

#hospitalized

The Recipe

Here’s a recipe to recreate the orange creamsicle Four Loko flavor. I don't know if this was actually a Four Loko flavor, but nobody ever drank it because they just had to have watermelon flavored alcohol that night. 

-3oz Pinnacle Cake vodka. You can use the Whipped flavor if you want instead.

-1oz Pinnacle Orange vodka
-1.5oz Bacardi 151 (I heard rumors that this was discontinued but you can still find it places. If you can’t, then any 70%-80% liquor that doesn’t have its own strong flavoring will do)
-1 orange flavor 5-Hour Energy
-16oz cold Monster Energy Rehab Orangeade

Feel free to serve this over ice if you want, but I didn't put any in the recipe on purpose. You want it to be cold, so it’s also a good idea to put the vodkas and rum in the freezer for a few hours before making. 

There you have it! Go drink, get hyper and make bad decisions! Just don’t end up in the ER. 

Disclaimer / Warning / How to Not Go to the Hospital

-Drink this drink at your own risk 

-Do not drink on an empty stomach 

-Do not drink/ eat/ snort/ whatever any other stimulants after drinking this

-Allow 2-3 hours before you even think about consuming any other alcohol 

-Do not get alcohol poisoning. That’s part of the instructions. 

Cheers, 

David 

You can also buy all the ingredients to make this drink on Drizly and get it delivered to your door. In an hour. And get $5 off. Yes please.

The 7 Things to Look for (and Avoid) When Hiring a Private Event Bartender

The 7 Things to Look for (and Avoid) When Hiring a Private Event Bartender

DISCLAIMER: After writing this article, it’s really really informative but only medium entertaining. I’m starting to face that I might suck at writing fun + information packed blog posts. My older posts, and me in person, are a lot more fun. **pinkyswear**

OK, lets roll!

So you’re planning an epic event. A birthday party, wedding reception, holiday party or just a good old-fashioned everyone-blacks-out-rager.

And you want it to be great. You want to delight your guests. You want it to go down in the record books are one of the best parties ever. At the vest least, you don't want something to go wrong and for it to suck.

Killer parties need killer drinks. You decide to hire a bartender.

But how do you choose a good one? This person’s going to come into your house and talk to your guests. People will be upset if they have crappy drinks. A good or bad bartender can make or break your event.

Sh*t, this bartender thing just got risky.

There are other guides on this topic out there on the internet (I looked). I noticed that none of them contain a succinct list of HOW to actually choose a bartender who knows how to make good drinks, is cool and will add to the awesomeness of your party.

That’s why I came up with this guide.

Ready? Boom. Let’s go!

Number 1: You Like Their Personality

It’s important to make sure they have a personality conducive to a fun event.

Your bartender is going to be in your house and at your party. They will be talking to your friends. The bartender has the ability to have everyone walk away with a drink, or with a drink and smile on their face. This is an important skill for any non-ulta-loud-nightclub-bartender, so make sure the person you choose can do this.

There are two tried-and-true ways to do this. First, are they sufficiently professional in an email correspondence you have with them?

Second, are they cool when you talk to them? Do they seem to know how talk talk to people? Friendly? Do they instill confidence in you? Are they enthusiastic?

Number 2: They Have Experience Bartending in Real Bars (Not Just Catering or Bar Backing)

A lot of times I need to hire extra bartenders and this may be the hardest to find.

The barrier to entry to get behind a bar and pour drinks is crazy low. But the skill needed make excellent drinks and delight your guests is not.

A lot of bars and restaurants, especially larger ones with multiple locations, will have rigorous training programs for their bartenders. A lot of private event bartenders out there won’t have this.

It’s *very* hard to get your first bartending job and get a job at one of these places. So lots of people skip this important step.

What a lot of people will have is experience bartending for a catering company. From working with lots of catering companies and their bartenders, I’ve learned that their training, unfortunately, is jumping behind the bar one day and pouring stuff in cups. Potentially a light and informal training program that helps the caterer sell their bartenders.

Another scenario is where someone may have worked as a bar back in a bar or restaurant, got to make a few simple drinks a night when it got really busy, and they started doing their own private events.

In both situations, little to no training required.

The last thing to avoid with this is a bartender who has training, such as going to bartending school, but never actually worked as a bartender until they started doing private events. The experience you gain working behind the bar cranking out sometimes hundreds of *quality* drinks per day/night is invaluable when contributing to a great private party. It also solidifies your knowledge of how to make each drink well.

Not a bar check list,
I just thought it was funny

Number 3: They Have Resources to Help You Prepare The Bar at Your Event

What do you need to buy? And how much of it do you need? What can you use as the bar? What kind of trash cans do you need? And how many?

These are all things your bartender should easily be able to help you out with. They’ve hopefully done it many times before and should be confident in helping you out with this part.

Like this. 

Number 4: They Demonstrate They Know How To Make Drinks

Before you lock this person in for your event, you want to make sure they actually know how to make drink well. A long time ago I hired two bartenders to work with me and I skipped this step. Their drinks were not good, and it took them a long time to make these crappy drinks.

Do they post recipes? Do people say they make good drinks? Do they do tastings (but don’t be surprised if you have to pay extra for this last one)?

Number 5: Do They Have Proof Of Happy Customers?

In today’s day and age this one’s pretty straightforward for a bartender to get (if they in fact have happy customers). It’s also easy for you to find.

Do they have Yelp reviews? What about WeddingWire? Do they post testimonials?

Sometimes people ask for references, but keep in mind this asks the bartender to cash in a pretty significant favor from a past host, who is likely a busy person. I do this for parties of a certain size, but maybe other bartenders do this more often than I do.

Number 6: They Don’t Flinch When You Ask Them For Specialty Cocktails or a Custom Menu

Any bartender who is comfortable and confident in their craft would be excited to do this. On the other hand, a bartender who’s less comfortable in their ability may demonstrate much less confidence in the face of this request.

One way to tell is if they are able to start coming up with ideas on the spot. 

I would always recommend gathering a bartender’s thoughts on a specialty cocktail or custom menu whether you actually want this or not. Mostly to gauge their response and see how they react.

The ideal reaction would be closer to excitement and enthusiasm opposed to hesitance, apprehension or stammering.

Number 7: You Get What You Pay For

I’m not sure if this is really something to look for, but I wanted to make sure I mentioned it. I hired cheap bartenders a while ago and they sucked. I hate to say it so bluntly, but they’re cheap for a reason.

A good bartender would make $300 or $400 on a Friday or Saturday night at their bar. There are usually a couple bars in most of the larger cities where bartenders routinely walk out with $1000 dollars per night. This is rare though.

A bartender who is/was was expert enough to get these competitive shifts will be used to making this this kind of money in a night and will ask for something in this ballpark. A more junior bartender not and will ask for less. 

Last, here are a few questions you can ask a bartender to help find out if they are good:

How do you make an Old Fashioned? 
(I put this question at the top of the list because I have found that knowing how to make this drink is an excellent indicator if the bartender knows their stuff or not. You don't actually have to know the answer yourself, but the level of confidence and enthusiasm in which the bartender answers will tell it all.)

**How I would answer: First, I would tell you an Old Fashioned is one of my favorite drinks. I'd also let you know that I wrote a ridiculously detailed blog post on how to make one of these here. Then I’d go through the recipe, letting you know variations in how different bartenders make it, my preference in how I like my Old Fashion and a few details most every bartender misses. Then I’d probably ask how you like yours

What would you ask if someone walked up to the bar and asked for a martini?

**How I would answer: Sure! Gin or vodka? Up or on the rocks? How dirty? I wrote an article with a lot more details on this here.

What would you do if someone walked up to the bar and asked you to surprise them with something?

**How I would answer: I would profile them a little bit (50 year old men like different drinks than 21 year old girls) and if I hadn’t made them something already, I would ask them if they like sweet or fruity.

What’s a difference between an IPA and stout?

**How I would answer: A succinct answer something along the lines of, an IPA is lighter and has a hoppy flavor, kind of like grapefruit. A stout is darker and has a flavor more like chocolate or coffee.

What’s the last drink you created?

**How I would answer: I would tell the story of how I made up a jelly donut martini at a happy hour. I may also talk about the time I started lighting all of the drinks (and some of the deserts) on fire. Don't worry, the guests loved it and the fire department wasn't called. 

Cheers all!

David

P.S., Want booze for your party delivered to you? In an hour? And save $5? Check our Drizly. It's the only way that I buy alcohol these days. 

Why I Bartend

Why I Bartend

WARNING: I’m feeling especially poetic today by the way. I’m inserting this line after finishing this post. I barely used sh*t or f*ck. Well, until now.

OK, on with the real thing…

I was talking with a host a few weeks ago and the conversation went something like this:

Host: is bartending your full-time job?

Me: No, I do consulting during the day.

Host: Then why do you bartend?

Since then, I’ve noticed people express this same curiosity in different ways.

I realized this is something I almost never tell people

At any given party or event, there’s a thirsty partygoer who wanders up to the bar with a slight look of optimistic indecision. They utter a few magic words, “I don’t know, just give me whatever.” Music to my ears.

Then what happens?

My eyes roll to the back of my head (not literally, that would be creepy), my sixth sense kicks in and I somehow figure out what kind of drink they may like. I even start to glow a little. Sometimes all that fails and I need to ask them. Either/or.

I survey my ingredients, concoct something delicious and slide it across the bar. This, of course, is a no-fail phenomenon. So is my overwhelming modesty.

I stare as they take the first sip (it just occurred me to me as I wrote this line that staring a hole in the person from across the bar is probably pretty creepy. I've been doing this since 2009… Whatever, I'm still going to do it). Then something magical happens that I’ve only ever seen when someone tastes a drink for the first time. Their face goes from curious concentration to lit up with surprise and delight.

Being able to see this unique look that takes over a person’s face, and making someone instantly happy just by putting a few things in a cup is why I love bartending. This is what I’m thankful for. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do what I love.

Happy holidays.


David

A Seasonal Kick in the A$$

A Seasonal Kick in the A$$

Are you ever there and it's time to party… But you’re tired?

Do your friends ever tell you that you need to rally… But you're dragging?

Are you ever at venue #1 of who knows how many… And you feel a yawn coming on?

You're in the right place, because the Fall signature drink that I came up with this year has just the thing for you.

Yes, I do create a signature Fall cocktail every year. You can get with it Here. And Here.

After looking at all of my delicious pumpkin Fall drinks, you may be thinking one thing. And chances are you are right.

YES, I AM A HUGE BASIC BITCH 

I'm just going to write this blog post, drink and eat everything pumpkin that I can find, put on a sweater, get in my comfortable black leggings, tell you everything that I love about Fall, and then literally cant even for about 300 hours. You have literally no clue how much I look like Han Solo right now. Literally.

Now that we’ve firmly established that I love the sh*t out of pumpkins, I also need to let you know that I love coffee. From or not from Starbucks. The joke's over though but I know you would think that.  Lets move on. 

Now, both of my passions culminate into oral ecstasy to form this Fall's orgasm for your mouth. In cocktail form.

Shall we?

The recipe you've been waiting for

-Fill shaker with lots of ice
-Add:
---1.5 oz espresso
---1.5 oz pumpkin pie vodka
---3/4 oz vanilla vodka (lots of flavored vodkas will actually work here, like whipped or cake)
-Shake the living sh*t out of it
-Pour into a glass with more ice in it.
-Drink and enjoy. Then wake the f*uck up. If you don’t do this last part, you messed up and need to try again (read: suck less).

That’s it! Now throw a party and hire me to serve this drink there.

You can also buy all the ingredients to make this drink on Drizly and get it delivered to your door. In an hour. And get $5 off. Yes please.

David

PS: I had a ton of fun putting this post together.  Here's why. 

This too:

Drinking Hellfire: A Simple Guide to Getting Drunk and Hallucinating

Drinking Hellfire: A Simple Guide to Getting Drunk and Hallucinating

WARNING: THE RECIPE IN THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

A friend of mine asked me the other day for a good cocktail recipe that has absinthe in it. The first thought that came to my mind was, “How am I going to make this good? Absinthe is disgusting.” 

For those of you don’t know, absinthe is green colored liquor with usually a crazy high alcohol content. It sometimes contains wormwood and it said to make you hallucinate. Overall, absinthe tastes like hellfire. Here’s Wikipedia’s description of it:

“Absinthe makes you crazy and criminal, provokes epilepsy and tuberculosis, and has killed thousands of French people. It makes a ferocious beast of man, a martyr of woman, and a degenerate of the infant, it disorganizes and ruins the family and menaces the future of the country.”

NOTE: The Google image results for “hellfire” are fucking TERRIFYING.

Quick story, the first time I ever had it was in college. I took a shot not knowing what I was getting into. It was disgusting. I started jamming the first thing I could find in my mouth (that’s what she said) to chase it, which happened to be Frosted Mini Wheats. 

So how was I going to create a delicious cocktail with this disgusting liquor? Easy. I’m awesome. 

Are you ready for the best absinthe cocktail ever created, but still pretty disgusting? I thought not…

Mix 1 ounce of the following in a shaker with ice:

• Absinthe
• Vanilla vodka
• Triple sec

Shake the absolute shit out of it. We need to do this not only because it’s fun, but to chill the liquor really well. The colder the liquor, the less it will burn and more mild the taste.

Fill a glass with ice cubes (I’m not kidding about making this fucker cold). Then pour just the liquid from the shaker.

Then add orange juice to taste. You can start with a splash and go up to 2 or 3 ounces. The citrus in the juice helps to cut the taste of the hellfire liquor, er, I mean absinthe.

Drink liberally and at your own risk. Oh, and if you hallucinate from drinking absinthe let me know what you see and if it was awesome.

Enjoy! (sort of)

David

P.S., If you are feeling ballsy and want to try this drink out, you can get all of the ingredients on Drizly. They deliver booze to your house in an hour. It's the only way I shop for my liquid hellfire anymore. 

Review of Balls. Balls Vodka That Is.

Review of Balls. Balls Vodka That Is.

As you've seen a few times in my blog, I review products. Companies read my blog, they send me some free stuff, I review it here, you read the review and become a more informed consumer, and the product gets its name out. Everybody wins.

I would draw a process flow diagram but I'm not going to nerd out too hard on you all here. Either way, capitalism kicks ass.

Before I dive too much deeper into this post, I have to warn you that it is:

1) Not my most clean post
2) Somewhat racy
3) Ridiculously awesome (duh)

So this is my full disclaimer and warning and if any of that may bother you or you have sensitive ears, please click here. But if you can handle it, you're going to thoroughly enjoy this article.

Not too long ago, a vodka called Balls Vodka sent me some of their product.

I really like this vodka. Its name has sexual connotations, the brand is kind of racy in general and you can make up drinks with dope names. I love all that shit.

Taste Test

Here's how our taste test went down. I was pre-gaming with a friend and we decided to get out my balls. Balls Vodka that is. Long story short I fed it to a friend and he got laid that night.

Do I guarantee that it enhances mojo and you will also get laid by drinking Balls Vodka? Yes. Just kidding. I have no clue, but it couldn't hurt.

In the package the company sent me, they included a little sheet with recipes for cocktails that one can make using Balls Vodka. So naturally, I had to come up with some of my own recipes and take it to the next level. Here's some of what I came up with.

Drink #1: Blue Balls

A little while ago I came up with a cocktail recipe called a Smurf. I decided to make a recipe similar to the Smurf, but this time with balls. Balls Vodka that is. It’s called Blue Balls. Here are the ingredients:
-1 ½ ounces Balls Vodka
-¾ ounces Hypnotic
-¾ ounces Peach Schnapps.

Yup, it will fuck you up. Good times.

Drink #2: Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls

The name of this drink is an ode to the late Isaac Hayes, also the voice of Chef on South Park. The drink is named after one of his songs. If you haven’t watched it, please do. Classic. Here’s the recipe:
-1 ½ ounces Balls Vodka
-1 ounce of creme de cacao
-1 ounce salted caramel coffee creamer
-Salt the rim and enjoy

Drink #3: Cock ‘n Balls

This drink is not for the faint of heart. It’s called Cock ‘n Balls. Lets just get to the recipe on this one:
-1 ounce Fighting Cock bourbon
-1 ounce Balls Vodka
-Fill the rest of the glass up with lots of ice, orange juice, and grapefruit juice
-Drink, enjoy and get ready for some crazy shit to happen

Last Balls Vodka has good promotional videos and the girl in it is pretty cute. Winning all around.

David

Want to get some Balls? And then put said Balls in your mouth? Balls Vodka that is. You can order it on Drizly and they'll deliver it to your house in an hour. And you can get $5 off. Boom.